Not the Grand Prix News

grandprixdiary · Post by **grandprixdiary** » Wed May 18, 2005 5:12 pm

Now the FIA are in trouble..

Place de la Concorde, Monday. Following the BAR fuel tank scandal and then ?Toyota-Gate?, (where a dippy secretary forget to post some forms), the latest shock to hit the F1 scene is that the FIA are currently in trouble..?with themselves. The FIA have summoned themselves to appear before themselves in Paris to explain why Bernie Ecclestone has still got a 1960?s ?moptop? hairdo when these were clearly banned in 1972. Said an official this morning ?Its true, under General Rule 24, subsection B, personal appearance, it clearly states that hairstyles must be of the times, and that retro cuts are out as they may bring the sport into disrepute?. Jacques Villeneuve was in breach of this rule many times in the past but was given special dispensation as he was at least trying to be trendy. Also up with the FIA before the FIA is Red Bull driver Tonio Liuzzi, who?s 1980?s mullet is also breaking the rules.

JayVee · Post by **JayVee** » Wed May 18, 2005 7:12 pm

It isn't the first time the FIA got in trouble with themselves, recall the latest Court of Appeal!!

And what about DC' beard

grandprixdiary · Post by **grandprixdiary** » Tue May 24, 2005 5:21 pm

F1?s star names are to get public speaking training from speech therapists in an attempt to stop the slide into ?football speak? that has been creeping into F1 in recent years. It is now virtually impossible for an F1 driver to start a sentence without using the words ?for sure? and they also habitually refer to themselves in the plural, as in ?We tried something at St Devote and it didn?t work out?, as if there were more than one person driving. Said an FIA spokesman this morning "Things are getting worse in the language department, and before you know it we?ll have people saying things like ?it?s a race of two halves? and ?the boys just have to play it tight in the middle of the track?, it?s a trend that has to be stopped, ? at the end of the day ? ooops." Some drivers have even started to refer to themselves in the third person, a football managers favourite tactic of distancing themselves from their mistakes. It is expected that Jacques Villeneuve (for sure) will adopt this approach when he appears before Peter Sauber for his roasting on Thursday.

rah · Post by **rah** » Wed May 25, 2005 10:55 am

Didn't JV go out with Danni Minogue at one stage? Surely that is against some rule!

In regards to speech, you really have to worry when they start with:

We are just taking it one race at a time.

We tried our best, but the team with the most points will win.

grandprixdiary · Post by **grandprixdiary** » Wed May 25, 2005 6:07 pm

Dead right mate !

grandprixdiary · Post by **grandprixdiary** » Wed May 25, 2005 6:09 pm

F1 Survey

Welcome to our instant answer, semi-interactive F1 survey, in which you, the lowly fans get to have a say about the sport you love. Just read the question and then go to the relevant answer. Easy.

1) Do you regularly watch Formula One ? If the answer is yes, proceed to (F). If, the answer is no, proceed to (E)
2) Are you unhappy with the current state of Formula One ? If the answer is yes, go to (D) If no, then please go to (F)
3) Do you think that F1 is democratically run. If yes go to (B) if not, then go to (G)
4) Do you think that the cost of an F1 ticket is too expensive. If yes go to (C) if not go to (F)
5) Should F1 be more of a sport for the people ? If you agree with this statement then go to (H)

and the answers are...

A) Well, who said it had to be ?
B) Shows how much you know then..
C) Get a better job then, you loser.
D) Well what the hell do you expect us to do about it ?
E) Sod off then.
F) Good ? so what?s the problem ?
G) What business is it of yours anyway ?
H) Go live in China you Commie pinko.

Thank you for taking part in this survey, now we?ve paid you a bit of lip service and made you feel a little bit involved in ?your? sport, we can now get back to doing whatever we like, which probably has little in common with what you want..

F1greyhound · Post by **F1greyhound** » Thu May 26, 2005 8:11 pm

My answer is A)

Kapel · Post by **Kapel** » Thu May 26, 2005 10:40 pm

grandprixdiary wrote:F1 Survey

Welcome to our instant answer, semi-interactive F1 survey, in which you, the lowly fans get to have a say about the sport you love. Just read the question and then go to the relevant answer. Easy.

1) Do you regularly watch Formula One ? If the answer is yes, proceed to (F). If, the answer is no, proceed to (E)
2) Are you unhappy with the current state of Formula One ? If the answer is yes, go to (D) If no, then please go to (F)
3) Do you think that F1 is democratically run. If yes go to (B) if not, then go to (G)
4) Do you think that the cost of an F1 ticket is too expensive. If yes go to (C) if not go to (F)
5) Should F1 be more of a sport for the people ? If you agree with this statement then go to (H)

and the answers are...

A) Well, who said it had to be ?
B) Shows how much you know then..
C) Get a better job then, you loser.
D) Well what the hell do you expect us to do about it ?
E) Sod off then.
F) Good ? so what?s the problem ?
G) What business is it of yours anyway ?
H) Go live in China you Commie pinko.

Thank you for taking part in this survey, now we?ve paid you a bit of lip service and made you feel a little bit involved in ?your? sport, we can now get back to doing whatever we like, which probably has little in common with what you want..

I agree.Max is not the types to even be bother by the so called "overwhelming response" to the survey.Most like Answer would be (E),(F) & (G)

JayVee · Post by **JayVee** » Thu May 26, 2005 11:46 pm

F1greyhound wrote:My answer is A)

Good one!

Fits here nicely

grandprixdiary · Post by **grandprixdiary** » Tue Jun 07, 2005 6:37 am

With the realisation that Berlin has got the crap end of the stick with the acts for its Live 8 concert, organiser Sir Bob Geldof has appealed to Michael Schumacher to appear at the German gig on July 2nd. While London's Hyde Park crowd will get, amongst others: Coldplay, U2, REM and the Scissor Sisters, the audience at the Brandenberg Gate will be treated to A-ha and Die toten hosen. Sir Bob told us today that "While A-ha have had two hit singles, three if you count 'Hunting High and Low', it's not going to be enough to keep the German's happy, so we are hoping Schuey will fill the breach". Schumacher is not known for his singing talents, in fact his rendition of 'Simply the best' at Suzuka's end of season karaoke party in 2000 caused a riot, but he is already in full rehearsal, working on numbers including 'He ain't heavy, he's my brother' and 'The Winner takes it all'.

Rob
--------------------
www.grandprixdiary.com

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Tue Jun 07, 2005 7:26 am

JayVee wrote:
F1greyhound wrote:My answer is A)
Good one!

Fits here nicely

Z for me

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Tue Jun 07, 2005 7:29 am

grandprixdiary wrote:With the realisation that Berlin has got the crap end of the stick with the acts for its Live 8 concert, organiser Sir Bob Geldof has appealed to Michael Schumacher to appear at the German gig on July 2nd. While London's Hyde Park crowd will get, amongst others: Coldplay, U2, REM and the Scissor Sisters, the audience at the Brandenberg Gate will be treated to A-ha and Die toten hosen. Sir Bob told us today that "While A-ha have had two hit singles, three if you count 'Hunting High and Low', it's not going to be enough to keep the German's happy, so we are hoping Schuey will fill the breach". Schumacher is not known for his singing talents, in fact his rendition of 'Simply the best' at Suzuka's end of season karaoke party in 2000 caused a riot, but he is already in full rehearsal, working on numbers including 'He ain't heavy, he's my brother' and 'The Winner takes it all'.

Rob
--------------------
www.grandprixdiary.com

I thought he would be doing " its a long and winding road" and "out in the boondocks"

grandprixdiary · Post by **grandprixdiary** » Thu Jun 16, 2005 8:57 pm

'101 Excuses to give your Boss' Book Offer

Ever wondered just how Juan Pablo Montoya manages to keep the toughest boss in Formula One happy, despite being a one man disaster area ? Well, wonder no more. Juan is happy to promote this book, which we will flog to you at the great price of just ?9.99. Marvel at how Juan misses a whole load of races after ?slipping on a tennis ball? and be in awe at the timeless ?I?m sorry I?m late, I got stuck in traffic?. Buy it now and we will give you a free copy of Nigel Mansells 1990 classic ?It?s not my fault?, including such gems as, ?The white lines on the road made me do it? and ?My bums too big for the car?. Please send your cheque to us at the usual address.

grandprixdiary · Post by **grandprixdiary** » Tue Jun 28, 2005 4:17 am

French GP to be canned over costs ?

Paris, Monday. FIA President Max Mosley has come up with another great idea, this one to do with cutting costs in F1 - a pet subject of his. While the furore over the farce that was the United States Grand Prix continues, it has hit home that having only six cars racing, did in fact save an awful lot of money. A spokesman said today that: 'It is reckoned that taking into account all expenses, that a lap in an F1 car costs around ?2,000. Therefore, having 14 cars not doing the 73 laps around Indianapolis saved around ?2 million - you just can't ignore the maths'. With the threat of the 'Michelin Seven' boycotting the French race if Max tells them off too much when they meet this week, it may be easier to forget the race and just save the money.

grandprixdiary · Post by **grandprixdiary** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 5:59 pm

Michelin find a replacement for Max ?

News Just In: Jerusalem. Friday. With Max Mosley up for re-election as FIA President (and Minardi hate figure) in October, the Michelin Seven have met to nominate their own man for the cushy job, which involves travelling the world and being pious. As David Richards is not interested, they have offered the job to The Son of God - a Mr Jesus. Said an M7 spokesman, 'He is our target for the job, he is quiet and pleasant but with a great presence'. He went on, 'Plus, the ability to feed 5,000 people and turn water into wine at the drop of a hat will make him very useful in running the Paddock Club'. Mr Jesus was unavailable for comment.

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