Jokes

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 6:53 pm

<T-K> wrote:
MLittle wrote:Problem: Test flight OK, autolanding rough.
Solution: No autolanding systems installed on aircraft.
Sounds vaguely familiar.......

Frighteningly so

mlittle · Post by **mlittle** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 6:49 pm

Thanksgiving Turkey Blunders................

Here are some ideas as to what clueless cooks have asked the fine folks at Butterball's Turkey HotLine over the years at this time of year.........

~~People over the years have asked the following........"Is it possible to pop popcorn in the turkey's cavity during the roasting process?"

~~One bright genius wanted to know if he could use motor oil as a turkey baste; another needed help finding the turkey she'd buried in a snowbank, and another genius wanted to know, "How do I carve the turkey with a chain saw?"

~~On one occasion, a concerned citizen called to ask how to get her pet Chihuahua out of the turkey; apparently, the little dog got trapped inside(and, no, it didn't get roasted along with the turkey......

)
~~Another person apparently cleaned the bird too well, calling to ask, "How do I get all the bleach off of the turkey?"

~~Another person who'd bought a 5-lb turkey had roasted it for over 24 hrs., wondering, "Is it done yet?"

~~Not to be outdone, someone else called to ask whether theirs' was done........it was an 8-lb bird that'd been in the oven since 8 am. the day before Thanksgiving

~~My favorite, though, was this gem of a question........"Your directions say to roast the turkey, but my oven only has settings for bake or broil; how do I set it?"

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 7:53 pm

mlittle wrote:Thanksgiving Turkey Blunders................

Here are some ideas as to what clueless cooks have asked the fine folks at Butterball's Turkey HotLine over the years at this time of year.........

~~People over the years have asked the following........"Is it possible to pop popcorn in the turkey's cavity during the roasting process?"
~~One bright genius wanted to know if he could use motor oil as a turkey baste; another needed help finding the turkey she'd buried in a snowbank, and another genius wanted to know, "How do I carve the turkey with a chain saw?"
~~On one occasion, a concerned citizen called to ask how to get her pet Chihuahua out of the turkey; apparently, the little dog got trapped inside(and, no, it didn't get roasted along with the turkey...... )
~~Another person apparently cleaned the bird too well, calling to ask, "How do I get all the bleach off of the turkey?"
~~Another person who'd bought a 5-lb turkey had roasted it for over 24 hrs., wondering, "Is it done yet?"
~~Not to be outdone, someone else called to ask whether theirs' was done........it was an 8-lb bird that'd been in the oven since 8 am. the day before Thanksgiving
~~My favorite, though, was this gem of a question........"Your directions say to roast the turkey, but my oven only has settings for bake or broil; how do I set it?"

Okay.....I give up.....which caller was President Bush ?

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 8:48 pm

and which caller was Geoff Janz??

Snowy · Post by **Snowy** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 9:23 pm

I thought that said Thanks Giving Turkey Blenders!

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Tue Nov 21, 2006 9:48 pm

Snowy wrote:I thought that said Thanks Giving Turkey Blenders!

which would make any caring rabbit minder wince

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 5:16 pm

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 7:28 pm

jacfan wrote:

He knows my Ex

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:22 pm

Thought you might be able to relate to it.

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:49 pm

jacfan wrote:Thought you might be able to relate to it.

relate to it, hell..........I was married to it.
Holiday time
I would say
"I am thinking Fiji"
she would say "The Maldives sound nice"
I almost used to look forward to meeting her at the airport if our return aircraft were landing about the same time

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 9:00 pm

"Who the hell are you to call me coloured??
When I was born I be black.
When I go out in the sun I be black.
When I be cold I be black
when I die I be black.............

when you born you be pink
when you cold you be blue
when you go out in the sun you be red
You stay there you be brown
when you sick you be white
you be embarrassed you be crimson,
when you die you be grey.........who de hell be coloured????

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 9:03 pm

An you be purple when you get bruised, yellow when you be a coward

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 9:42 pm

and green with envy.

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Wed Nov 22, 2006 11:37 pm

jacfan wrote:and green with envy.

unless one was nursing a rather large rabbit, which, in truth, should be carrying the carrier.................or at least toting the darned sled

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Sat Dec 02, 2006 12:55 pm

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE, I'M BROKE

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
Confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a couple of
minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest
in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady.
"I haven't got any money! I'm broke!"
And she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and
Pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you
have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway
Carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this
horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the
remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a real
Good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."